I hummed and hawed about writing this review because like almost everyone, I don’t like to attack the little guy. It’s all well and good to slate a high end hip new opening in Mayfair, or an overpriced chain, but if restaurants are mostly small businesses, supper clubs are uniformly microbusinesses. Slagging them off doesn’t feel good.
But I asked myself “would I be happy if a single person went to Monograph because I was trying to be nice?” And the answer was no. You must not let Monograph take your money for their appallingly unbalanced quality-to-price-ratio supper club – please take my advice.
We went to Monograph for four reasons. 1) We like Japanese food. 2) We like sake, and they offered a tasting flight. 3) We like supper clubs. 4) They have attractive design – their website and menu are clean,minimalist and Japanese.
It was £35 for food, and although we did bring our own booze to the art gallery in which it is hosted, we also paid £18 for four small glasses of sake, which were perfectly fine. As you will see, we did not get our money’s worth.
They themed the night by occasionally playing snippets of Japanese adverts and films (including Tampopo, one of my favourites) in extremely blurry rips. They made us close our eyes for the first one, but the distorted sound we heard had no tangible link to the any of the dishes I am about to describe.
Dish one tasted fine, but to call it a ‘course’ is really stretching the truth. Served in a cardboard box like later dishes, our starter (which we ate after a very grand and loud blare of intro music) was literally – literally – just a small handful of watercress with a bit of sweet dressing and a few grams of katsuobushi shavings. It seemed a bit lazy and cynical to make it one quarter of a tasting menu.
Dish two was a bowl of udon noodles in a soy seasoned dashi broth with some (surely shop bought) mackerel flaked in. Yes, I finished it, because I was famished, and no, it wasn’t actively bad, but it was the sort of thing you’d knock together in four minutes with the leftover contents of your cupboards, not one of the dishes you’d plan to showcase your cooking to 20 strangers paying £35 a head.
There was one actively bad dish: the limp and lifeless pumpkin korokke. They should have been crisp and hot deep fried croquettes, but they were just balls of stodge. I ate them because even though this was the third course, I was still extremely hungry due to the incredibly stingy portions we received despite the cheap and basic ingredients.
The only dish with any redeeming features was the dessert, which was neither as stingy as the rest – a selection of rather pleasant mochi – nor as amateur. It was also presented far more professionally. Maybe these folks should sell homemade mochi for a living.
As I left I thought to myself how well several restaurants nearby in Islington could feed me for £53 including drinks. It’s not just the plethora of excellent cheap restaurants where it would be actively hard to spend £53 – Kanada-Ya, MeatLiquor, Chick n Sours. You could even get a proper sit down meal at a good mid price restaurant like Oldroyd, Rok, or the Drapers Arms. It’s just a disgrace, a real disgrace, and I am still shocked and smarting from being asked to spend so much for so little.
The SUL rating system has many virtues, and Monograph is a supper club that the ‘avoid’ rank was made for.